just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
