Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
