Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
