Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
