Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
