if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
