Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
