no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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