My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
