My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
