okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
