ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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