He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
