Betty ford says i'm here all night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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