I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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