Well apparently he's into motor boating.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
