i permit you to call me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
