dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
