Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
