Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
