Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
