just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
