Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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