One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
