whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
