I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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