I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
