I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
