If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
