Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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