The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
