he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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