I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
