if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did i walk over a car last night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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