You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
