She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
