Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
