Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
