I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
