So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
