There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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