redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
