just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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