Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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