Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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