I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
