I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
