apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
