awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
