made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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